You get worn down over the years. I made it all the way to 2010 without any home air conditioning, but a week of non-stop nineties was just too much. What I could enjoy, sunburn and all, as a child in summer visits to Indiana, was now a misery. It was buy a room unit–I think of it as a weather-based "panic room"–or live in my car as a heatstroked Flying Dutchman, driving around and around the county until my debit card expired at the pump.
Unfortunately, having finally bit the bullet, it was necessary to actually install the thing before I could reap the benefit. So I drag the box out of the car and upstairs, then unbox the monstosity in a sunbeaten room so hot the paint is melting off the wall. Then dechipher the instructions (helpfully translated from the original Mandarin) and assemble the framing using only such tools as can be found in a kitchen drawer. By now, my shirt is soaked and glasses fogged. I slip that now-slippery baby into the window and discover that the storm window frame is too high. No sweat (ha-ha) the midden heap on the back porch is full of useless scraps of lumber. Yank the unit up with one hand and slip a 4X4 under it. Of course now the wings won't seal flush. So I build a bug barrier out of pieces of packing plastic and duct tape. Voila! The English Major Construction Company strikes again.
By this time, even my shoes are soaked with sweat. My heart rate is up and my field of vision has lovely little sparklies and pinwheels in it. I've been to the ER with heatstoke before. It's lovely there–the air conditioning runs like a top.
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'Scuse me while I get a cloth to wipe the sweat from my keyboard. OK, done.
I find that lying on the floor by a fan, dog at side, helps. Allow the dog to pant all over you and the fan breeze will have all that saliva cool and evaporating in no time.
On second thought, maybe the Nat'l Grid bill wouldn't be so bad…
Nice one! Sometimes you remind me of Andrej Kodrescu, which is a high compliment. Stay kewl, baby.
The decision to buy AC in the north country is a tough one. We need the AC (really need it) perhaps two weeks a year at home. It's a necessity at work. Each year when I wrestle the window shakers into place, I swear that I'll install central AC. My window units can't keep up with this het wave. So…once again I've decided tht I should get central air. We'll see if I follow through this year! As a Realtor, I'll state that central air is a good investment.
Dale–You make Thursday email worth waiting for, even on a 90-degree day. Your opening thoughts are always fun, sometimes deliver a sneaky punch. Keep 'em coming.
Sorry, I'm not a writer. Can't improve on the original.
Option 334. It's slightly cooler in England this time of year???
Hey Dale,
Your post was full of "HOT AIR".
I've got a terrible sense of humor or is it humour if you take k.w.'s advice and go to England.
Dale,
I second Janet's comment. Hope the heat stays for a while longer…so your hard work was not for naught. ;o)
Be well…and by all means stay cool. (you're already way cool in my book)
Lena
If I wanted to die of heat stroke I would have lived in Las Vegas. Come to think of it — Las Vegas was COOLER than we were this week! Ugh. They can totally take this back.
Love the "weather-based 'panic room'". Great read, think I need an iced-tea!
Except for the panic-sweat when I open our monthly electric bill, things are "quite cool" in Texas. The hottest nights I my wife and I remember were last summer in Upstate NY! A box-fan blowing dog-breath doth not a breeze make.