{"id":4266,"date":"2011-05-19T19:24:14","date_gmt":"2011-05-19T23:24:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.northcountrypublicradio.org\/inbox\/?p=4266"},"modified":"2011-06-01T08:59:58","modified_gmt":"2011-06-01T12:59:58","slug":"big-government-finally-cracks-the-healthcare-crisis-zombie-style","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.northcountrypublicradio.org\/inbox\/2011\/05\/19\/big-government-finally-cracks-the-healthcare-crisis-zombie-style\/","title":{"rendered":"Big government finally cracks the healthcare crisis, zombie-style"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>The Centers for Disease Control<\/a> in Atlanta has finally sorted out the biggest healthcare crisis facing America:\u00a0 the coming zombie apocalypse.<\/p>\n

As we approach a weekend where at least one American church group believes the world will end, the CDC is covering all its bases by issuing a detailed explanation of how the government will respond — if we start eating each other.<\/p>\n

There are all kinds of emergencies out there that we can prepare for. Take a zombie apocalypse for example. That\u2019s right, I said z-o-m-b-i-e a-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e.<\/p>\n

You may laugh now, but when it happens you\u2019ll be happy you read this, and hey, maybe you\u2019ll even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real <\/em>emergency.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The web page created by CDC pretends to use zombie attacks as a metaphor for disaster preparedness of all sorts.<\/p>\n

But I can’t help but think that this is what all those taxpayer funded experts are really talking about around the water cooler.<\/p>\n

An obesity epidemic?\u00a0 Snore.\u00a0 A Medicare program that’s groaning under the weight of a nation of graying baby boomers.\u00a0 No way.<\/p>\n

I like to think that our biggest brains are at work on the really meaty questions.\u00a0 (Get it?\u00a0 Meaty?)<\/p>\n

If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation.<\/p>\n

This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Haven’t these people ever seen<\/em> a zombie movie?\u00a0 Don’t they know that isolation and quarantine never work?\u00a0 The best plan it so hole up in a shopping mall, preferably one with a big Black & Decker store.<\/p>\n

But wait, there’s more:<\/p>\n

Not only would scientists be working to identify the cause and cure of the zombie outbreak, but CDC and other federal agencies would send medical teams and first responders to help those in affected areas (I will be volunteering the young nameless disease detectives for the field work).<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In case you think I’m joking about the source of this very important information, I’m posting the web address below so you can prepare yourselves.\u00a0 Don’t say the In Box didn’t warn you…<\/p>\n

http:\/\/emergency.cdc.gov\/socialmedia\/zombies_blog.asp<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta has finally sorted out the biggest healthcare crisis […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[4803,20],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.northcountrypublicradio.org\/inbox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4266"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.northcountrypublicradio.org\/inbox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.northcountrypublicradio.org\/inbox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.northcountrypublicradio.org\/inbox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.northcountrypublicradio.org\/inbox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4266"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.northcountrypublicradio.org\/inbox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4266\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4269,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.northcountrypublicradio.org\/inbox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4266\/revisions\/4269"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.northcountrypublicradio.org\/inbox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4266"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.northcountrypublicradio.org\/inbox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4266"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.northcountrypublicradio.org\/inbox\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4266"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}