My neighbor and friend, Phil Harnden, is a sly guy. He’s the founder and executive director of GardenShare, a Quaker, soft-spoken and hard-working. But he’s sneaky. Oh, yeah. Ya gotta watch out for those quiet types.
The first message arrived a few weeks ago:
MOTHER & CHILD SEEK LOVING HOME TO REDUCE CARBON PAWPRINT
All-natural mother seeks to reduce carbon pawprint through placement of herself and locally grown son in green, feline-friendly family. Well-behaved, sweet, and playful pair desires transition from free-range lifestyle to sustainable, loving home where they can find “sense of place” and read Wendell Berry. Son already has kitten vaccinations and wishes to remain with mother “until job market clarifies.” Both support world peace, Obama, and NPR. Quiet and companionable; no tea-partying.
Inquiries welcome. Contact:
860 Maple Ridge Road
Richville NY 13681
Clever, eh? A week later, this:
STUDY FINDS CATS CREATE WEALTH, SLOW AGING IN PEOPLE
A study released today has found that the presence of cats in a home creates wealth and slows the aging process for the homeowners.
The study, published in the current issue of the Journal of Current Issues, followed 100 junior high students into adulthood. All participants grew up in homes with cats.
Researchers found that the income of these students rose dramatically as they entered adulthood, from as little as $5 a week to well over $25,000 a year. The study also found that, even after ten years, participants were still significantly younger than their parents. Some remained less than half the age of their grandparents well into their 20s.
A spokesperson for the AARP underlined the importance of these findings. “This is a really big deal,” said Joseph P. Aarp. “It means everyone should have at least one cat in their home.”
Coincidentally, two cats with age-reversing, wealth-creating skills are available right now for adoption. Singly or as a team, this pair will arrive with a dynamic plan to put more bucks in your bank and to give your skin that warm, healthy glow it once had. Guaranteed.
Call now. Operators are standing by.
The latest installment in the Honey tale arrived today:
“I’m sick and tired of seeing hard-earned taxpayer money being spread far and wide on so-called economic stimulus,” the President said, after Air Force One made a surprise landing in DeKalb, New York. “THIS $30 billion is all going to ONE person–the lucky guy or gal who adopts this cat.”
Administration officials confirmed that the person who adopts the selected cat–a tortoise-shell female who is registered Independent–will receive all $30 billion.
The program already appears to have garnered widespread support in Congress, after Republican members were assured that the chosen cat has an authentic U.S. birth certificate.
“It’s the Right thing to do,” said Senate minority leader, Mitch McConnell.